


It’s Just Another Night

by sonofapollo



Series: isn’t it lovely? [1]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst, Gen, I’m so sorry, References to Depression, Suicidal Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-03-29 14:28:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19021807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonofapollo/pseuds/sonofapollo
Summary: Chat Noir thinks about life one night. His life as Adrien Agreste.





	It’s Just Another Night

**Author's Note:**

> tw: suicide attempt & mentions of suicidal thoughts
> 
> sorry for making adrien this angsty akdbkanss i just really wanted to write some adrien angst im sorry 
> 
> also sorry for any typos, this is unedited and i wrote it rlly quickly on my phone ^^;
> 
> but i still hope u guys like this!

It wasn’t Chat Noir’s turn to patrol that night, but he was out nonetheless. He just needed some space and some time alone. To breath, to think, to believe he was the only one in the world and nothing could disturb him. 

Living life as just another Parisian citizen who goes by the name Adrien Agreste, could get exhausting at times. So much that Chat wish it would all just go away sometimes. That’s why he takes these night walks on the roofs in Paris. That’s why he takes time out at night to be a little bit free from his usual constraints in the daytime. Sure, it left him sleep deprived, and he can barely get up in the mornings and stay up at school, but to him, it was all worth it. When every day is fighting a new akumatized villain, fencing classes, mixed with school, piano and Chinese lessons, along with modeling—you’d do anything to have moments like these. 

Chat Noir took his time, looking up at the stars and the moon that shone brightly in the dark night sky. He looked at the Eiffel Tower, in all it’s glory, and realized just why tourists loved it so much. To him, it was just another ordinary monument, since he’s lived in Paris for so long, but now that he has time to appreciate it’s beauty and magnificence, he now knows what’s so special about it. 

The blonde takes a seat on the roof of a hotel building and stares out to the city. He takes out an old MP3 player from his pocket, a gift from Nino for his last birthday, and puts on the earbuds attached to it. It wasn’t easy downloading songs onto it, with the little time he has, but now he has more than hundreds of songs to listen to during times like these or when he just wants something to listen to during car rides (his father thinks that music from the radio will be a bad influence on him, therefore they never let him turn on the radio in the car). 

He lays back as he scrolls through one of his playlists and clicks on a song that he believes fits perfectly with his mood tonight. He closes his eyes, and lets the music flow through him and his thoughts run freely. He thinks of many things and asks himself many questions. 

_What would his world be like if he wasn’t Chat Noir and it was someone else? Would he still meet Ladybug and fall in love with her? Would he be happier? Or sadder? Would he be lonelier? What would’ve happen if his mom would’ve never disappeared? Where is she now? Is she still alive or dead?_

He felt a pang in his chest. 

_Would his father still be distant if she were around? Would his father love him if she were around? Would things be better if she just came back?_

Chat gritted his teeth and took in a deep breath. 

_What would his life be like if none of the awful things would have happened? What would he be like if he had never had to suffer what he has? What would his life be like without the pain?_

A single teardrop runs down his cheek, but he quickly wipes it away. 

_What would happen if he just went away?_

Chat opened his eyes, them glistening with fresh tears that escaped any time he tried to blink them away. He sits up and tries to wipe away the tears with the back of his hand, and starts taking in deep breaths through his mouth to calm himself down and stop crying.

He looks out into the horizon and continues thinking about how easy it would be to just leave. To end everything right now and never look back. He stands up and walks over to the edge of the building, standing up on the ledge, and looks down at the city below him, its sounds drowned out by the music. 

He could do it right now. And he wouldn’t have to feel pain anymore. But he can’t do it. 

Chat steps back onto the floor and takes in a deep, shaky breath that sends a tremor through his body. He can’t do it. What would his friends think? What would Nino think? How would he feel? What about Marinette? That sweet girl Marinette who doesn’t deserve to feel pain over him. And Ladybug? What would she think? How would she feel? He didn’t want to cause his loved ones the pain he felt or any more of it. 

The blonde looks up at the sky and wishes for everything to be alright. He wishes to be okay for once, to not feel lonely, to not feel helpless, and to forget about everything that just happened and the mistake he almost gravely committed. He wishes for everything to get better. He knew it was useless, but it gave him some sort of hope. 

With a pain in his chest, Chat bounds off back home, where nothing but the dark solace of his room awaits him.


End file.
